Be your own cheerleader

“We are what we think about all day long.” Ralph Waldo Emerson.

When you’re anxious, sad, or experiencing intense emotions, do you ever pay attention to the conversation you have with yourself? Do you tell yourself things like, “If I wasn’t so stupid things would have turned out differently,” or “I’ll never be able to what he or she does?” More often than not, we become unaware of the negative dialogue within us. Having repeated these things to ourselves over and over throughout the years, they become “facts” hardwired in our brains as truths, causing us to take steps towards making those statements a reality by not trying. However, though these negative statements about ourselves have dominated our thought life, u can kick it by taking steps to be kinder to yourself. What are you declaring over your life? Are you your own worst critic of biggest fan?

In this scene from movie “What The Bleep Do We Know,” experiments from a water molecule study performed by Dr. Masaru Emoto is being shown to those passing by at a train station. The experiment analyzed the effect words have on the water crystallization process. What was found that water which was blessed resulted in beautiful crystallization, opposed to being cursed with words such as “ugly” which resulted in the water’s inability to form. “Makes you wonder, If our bodies are 90 percent water, imagine what our thoughts could do that to water, imagine what our thoughts can do to us.”

Another 90 percent rule: 90 percent of how we feel about ourselves has to do with they way we talk to ourselves. When we like ourselves–in our relationships, in our work role, etc.–the more we like others! Wake up and tell yourself “your healthy” or “your happy.” Affirm yourself consistently with positive blessings instead of letting the world affirm you, taking you on an up and down roller coaster while it does. Our thoughts create our future. Though the video below is long, it’s worth checking out.

Why saying no gets you ahead

No is yes? In this article “Why saying ‘no’ gets you ahead,” Camille Preston offers a great perspective on boundaries and being a “yes” man. By saying no to what’s not working, you are actually saying yes to the things that are. Your life, your happiness is your responsibility. Your choices are your choices. Other’s happiness and ability to be flexible is not your responsibility. Stop the indirect pressure to make your life worthy to other people. You only live once, so why feel like your life is any less than your own? When you take reigns of your own life and do and be where you want, the likelihood of a positive experience is high, and positive vibes is more helpful to others then giving in and being a doormat. If you feel guilty about saying “No” sometimes, anytime, or have even once, this article is worth checking out. Preston provides reasonable tips on how to manage your own life, in a way your can feel OK about.

Fortune

Everyone knows the adage: good fences make good neighbors. Basically, it means to set firm boundaries. By setting boundaries, we find the freedom to behave in our best interest, with fewer distractions and fewer unwanted intrusions. This is even more important in our digital age, where there are so many people vying for our attention and so many ways to be distracted.

Building good fences—setting boundaries—is one of the most important skills to master for both personal and professional growth. And one of the most important aspects of a good fence is the ability to say no to the people, activities and engagements that we do not enjoy or that do not advance us personally or professionally. When you say no to the things that don’t help you, you are, in effect, saying yes to the things that will. By saying no, you open up the space necessary for yes.

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You cannot be successful without failing

I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed.” Michael Jordan

Ever wonder why some people are so good at what they do? Why that is? How come they are so successful at what they do, and why it seems way harder for you to do the same exact thing?

It all comes down to this trait that successful people have in common: Grit. This trait- which is defined as strength and resolve- is a trait we all have, but is not developed by all. Grit means continuously stretching yourself beyond your capabilities, which includes failing and making mistakes. What makes people who are grity successful is that they don’t give up because of the failures or mistakes.

Though this is an hour long video, this TED Talk by Angela Lee Duckworth is worth watching. When my math teacher had me watch this last semester, it changed my perspective on success completely. It also helped me to understand that it’s important I make mistakes to find out what works and what doesn’t, and that though I may make them a lot, or even fail from time to time, the important things are that I am trying and striving to progress.

Whether you are trying to kick a bad habit or start a good one, don’t be discouraged by failures or mistakes but rather be gritty about them. You may actually be on the right path after all!

Thank You Thursday

Sometimes, the hardest thing for me to do is be grateful, even though I know it’s the key to happiness. Not so much when circumstances go the way I plan, but more like when they don’t or when they are moving slower than I’d like. I seem to forget in these times where I’ve came from and what I’ve accomplished thus far because I am hyper focused on immediate results from whatever it is I’m working on in the now. I’ve learned that when I feel like this in the present, it is an opportunity for me to reflect on what I’ve been grateful for in the past.

I love this commercial because it’s true; sometimes you have to go back and remind yourself of all the hurdles and obstacles you’ve already overcome to help with the obstacles you are going through right now.

My best friend Kevin passed away two years ago after a relapse. When I attended his funeral, his uncle was the first to speak when It was time to share, and spoke about hope in times where one might feel like giving up, and using past experiences as part of that hope to help get through those times. He gave me a copy of what he said so I’d be sure to not forget.

kevin

So in honor of Thank You Thursday, I am thankful for what I’ve already overcome, and thankful in advance that my current circumstances will fall in line with my past triumphs. I am even more grateful for those who randomly have helped me over the years by reminding me to do this.

Relax, just do it

I used to think the goal of meditating was to unlock this door to another dimension of life. I realize now it’s to quiet my mind to unlock the door of anxieties that keep me from enjoying the moment.

Additionally, I used to think meditation meant being quiet, and was used to make you brain quiet enough to sleep. I have also come to realize that meditation not only offers peace, but redirects energy from worrying to focusing.

The best part is that you can do it around people, outdoors, and through movement. It’s even more simpler than you might think.

linda mar beach
Pacifica State Beach at dusk.

After a week of stressing about school, falling short on some of my new habits I’ve been trying to make routine, I found myself at the beach. As I noticed the birds, dolphins, and puppies that were walking by, I noticed I wasn’t thinking about my problems. I felt the sand on my skin, the cool wind on my face, and without trying I was able to let go. Focusing and being is a huge part of mindfulness, and is the essence of meditation. I left the beach calm and collected, with a new perspective around my school work, and energy to do it. I found myself drawn to the surrounding nature the rest of the week.

I decided to map the locations that I’ve experienced such peace. If you live in the San Francisco Bay Area these locations are wonderful to meditate at. If you don’t, you might think of some locations similar to the ones I mapped.

Where you are now is not where you will always be

From my experience, what really holds me back from being able to make progress in turning my life around, kicking bad habits, picking up better ones, is this nagging voice in the back of my head that tells me I should be further along in life.

What happens is that I set out to accomplish all my goals from here on out to make up for lost time, instead of doing my best with what I got in order to make up for all the bad habits that got me to where I am now.

The thing is that trying to everything at once is overwhelming. If I don’t do it all perfectly, I become more bitter about where I am and lose track of the future’s possibilities because I feel stuck. Can you relate?

The truth is, we are all exactly where we are supposed to be. we may not want to be where we are at, but good habits aren’t strong over night. They take work, but trying to be the best you can be today, and kind to yourself if you’re not perfect, will help them to grow, and propel you to where you want to be.

james franco

I had to do an assignment for journalism class once where we had to do a mock obituary of someone famous. I chose my celebrity crush James Franco.

Did you know he worked at McDonalds, or had a brush with the law when he was younger because of sticky fingers? Maybe you knew he was a grad scholar, teacher, screen play writer, director, and actor  Or like me, you may have just thought he was blessed with good looks and breaks that happened overnight, not thinking he, or other successful individuals had to work their way up.

Where you are now may be fate, but it doesn’t have to be your destiny. You don’t have to rush to get there either. You have time!

I had a counselor once tell me, “Even if you flip burgers, be the best damn burger flipper you can be.” What she meant was that even if where I want to be is not where I am, doing my best now will lead me to where I want to go. Making up for lost time is as simple as that, so give yourself a break because u will kick it.

There you go, taking things personal again…

Do you take things too personally? It can be normal to internalize situations, opinions, behavior from others, after all humans are not mind readers or God. It’s impossible to always assume it’s not our crap- everyone has an ego and at one time or another thinks it’s all about them. But what if it’s all the time?

I struggle with this a lot, and taking things too personally a majority of the time is a habit. It happens in class, at work, but most noticeably with my boyfriend or family. Matters close to the heart. The stress affects my relationships and discipline to get things done. Almost all of the time, the energy spent toward getting worked up was not even worth it, because whatever it was I took personal had nothing to do with me!

Don’t Take Anything Personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

Motivational Speaker and Pastor Joel Osteen talked about this in one of his messages, about being neutral to this kind of behavior. Not paying any mind to it. Really, if you have goals for yourself, you need to save your energy to meet them, carry them out. Carrying around the baggage of others is going to weigh you down, keep or prolong you from your destiny. You got to let it go. It is especially hard when we want the people close to our hearts to approve of us, praise us, but not every battle is a battle we need to fight or even drain ourselves with worry over. Especially when it’s really not about us in the first place!

When I find myself taking things too personal I have to remind myself it may not be real what I’m trippin’ off of. When I can’t I lean on people I can trust to help me do that. When I do, i’m reminded also to practice compassion for myself and others, and leadership. It’s an opportunity to be an example to the people around that you don’t have to be a victim to a bad habit, that u can kick it and they can too.

Say hiya to your bad habits

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